Like any icky bug, this movie deserves a good squashing!

Some movies are bad, and that, believe me, can be a very good thing. Let's take Ed Wood, for example - not because "Plan 9" is considered the worst movie of all time (FYI, no, it's NOT!), but 'cuz any fourth-rate movie student knows his vastly undeserved bad rep (thank you for nothing, Mr. Medved; I hope your dreams are haunted every single night by visions of Tor Johnson in a g-string dancing the tarantela!).

Was Ed Wood a mediocre moviemaker? Yeah, sure he was. But when he set out to make his films, he wasn't counting on being immortalized for their alleged badness. Wood did 'em because he had a creative mind, deep love for the genre and the drive to make something useful out of it, instead of just sitting on his ass as any frustrated filmmaker and write derogatory reviews on some lame website. His movies were subpar? Yes, but at least he TRIED. No, better: he ACHIEVED his goal with the scant resources he had. Stock footage, fishing lines, shower curtains and a Bela Lugosi eyebrow double; that was all Ed needed to put his imagination on film, while today's dime-and-a-dozen "auteurs" bitch and moan about the lack of money to hire ILM. Wood also had a grasp, however rudimentary, of things like editing and pacing, so his movies were at least watchable.

But that was then and this is now. Today we have technology far beyond the wildest imagination of sci-fi writers of yore. We have DV cams, cheap editing bays, everything we need to make something at least marginally professional. There's simply no excuse for mediocrity in these days.

There's simply no excuse for Deadly Scavengers.

I don't know what the fuck Ron Ford was thinking when he commited this sorry piece of S.O.V. crap. But if he had the intention of creating "the worst movie ever made", then, oboy... Deadly Scavengers is uncapable of being even THAT! There are no words to describe a person who actually tries to make something lousy and fails. One of these days I'll invent one, but now is not the time.

The plot of DS tries to be serious. It really does, and that's his first (but not the only) big mistake. The story is a direct rip-off of "Food of the Gods" combined with a lot of nonsense about mercenaries with toy guns. Instead of giant animals, we have only a big cockroach achieved by a) a real cockroach filmed up close and badly composed with an ultra-lame chroma-key effect, and b) a guy in a suit that's so shabby, but SO shabby, that it's only shown on the DVD cover!

Deadly Scavengers is the Murphy's Law applied to moviemaking. Everything that can be done wrong IS done wrong: acting, lighting, sound, dubbing, editing, SFX and all the like. How bad is it? Well, there's a scene where, to simulate a car in movement, the director just points the camera at the windshield and shakes it up and down. It's THAT bad, and not even funny to begin with.

I REALLY tried to find something good to say about this movie, but I really couldn't. But one thing must be clear: DS is NOT the worst film ever made, and I'm 100% sure that the worst film ever made is ten times more amusing than this complete and utter garbage.